I've always thought of my life as a fairytale; waiting for that handsome prince to come take me away; sweep me off my feet. Ever since I was a little girl I always thought life was like that. You're born, you grow up, you get married, you live happily ever after, and of course one day you inevitably die without any hardship. Just a perfect life, with perfect man, with a perfect family. I have found in my short 19 years of living that life is not like that at all. I have been through much tribulation in my life, and it never really seems to lighten. Even when it seems like everything is fine and everything should be okay-that's almost when its the worst for me. I've been in a storm my whole life, and now without the storm I'm completely lost and am almost making one up just so there is some kind of chaos in my life. Isn't that sad? That I have grown up with it and now I cannot handle being without it. At the same time though I pack projects upon myself and give myself no room succeed. There is always something going on in my life and more than likely quite a few things that I need to keep up with. How can one succeed if they are raised to be a failure? All my life people thought I would be the next disappointment. My grandmother had my mother at a young age, and she had me at a young age. The expected is for me to get pregnant and barely make it through waitressing jobs. I knew it too; I knew that's all I was good for, I knew that's what was going to happen to me, but then I changed. My life has taken quite a turn. For the better...some people say, some people don't. There are two groups of people: The ones that go party, never really grow up and just want to have fun the rest of their lives. The other group is the people that do something with their lives and mature. Group one consists of half of my family and of course kids at school. I love my family very very much, so its hard for me to separate myself from that group of people. The other group consists of the other half of my family and my ward family (church). Two very opposing forces in my life and they are always at war inside me. I want my family to love me, but they think my church is stupid-or so they say. I know that what they are doing is wrong but sometimes it feels good to be a kid again-for the time being. Which one will win? I seem to be on the edge of a cliff right now in my life. I could make choices that could ruin me and take away all that I have worked so hard for the last two years or I could succeed and turn my life back into that fairytale. You'd think it was obvious...and it is...but the hardest part is yet to come. That is enduring.
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